I was always an active student. In high school, I boasted a 3.7 GPA with being in National Honor Society, playing three different varsity sports at the D1 level for all four years, and even worked two part time jobs. I was ranked 63rd in the nation with my studies in veterinary science. I was known as a friendly, dedicated person who was on her way to working in the Veterinary field, and my accomplishments did not go unnoticed.
Nothing I performed well in was unwanted by me when I say what I'm about to say. I went through most of my highschool life severely depressed and inhibited by anxiety and panic disorder, forced to make decisions purely on what the best outcome would be. I would think, Imagine how intelligent you would seem if you placed well with the national veterinary team! Working with two sports teams in the same season? Imagine how others would perceive your work! This didn't drive me to dislike what I did, but it did lead to severe burnout after I graduated highschool.
I had the experience of travelling across the country because of success in my studies. I met nationally recognized veterinarians and agricultural leaders, talking with some of the biggest companies in the U.S. I earned scholarships for my continued education, foundations baffled by my amount of sheer passion for my work.
However, I stepped back and changed my mind.
Now, most of us know this is very common and also not a bad thing. Plenty of people question what they want to further their studies in and spend their life working on. While I was a nationally ranked Veterinary student, I had others asking me: "So why are you even hear if you're a Nursing major now?" "Could you not have stepped down to give someone else that actually wants to be a veterinarian a chance?"
I was on the softball field for my travel team when I heard about Norwich University. At the time, I only really looked at their athletics page. I wanted to play in college, and still hadn't found a place that fit my needs. But of course, with my research, I knew I had found it. Norwich was the place I knew I wanted to go to.
I didn't apply to Norwich's Nursing program thinking it was going to be easy. I didn't boast about my acceptance thinking I was going to become the perfect nurse.
And now that I'm wrapping up freshmen year, I can only see how correct I was.
Nursing isn't a field of complete happiness. Nursing is tough. Nursing takes massive tolls on those who travel through it, mental and physical, and does not stop for anyone. So then why did I apply to Norwich, a school known for having one of the most rigorous programs in New England? Why would I throw myself into a fire when I was already burning?
Because I knew it was what I needed.
I remember sitting in my room the summer before coming to Norwich. I had just become a student ambassador, was packing things to come with me, and was still doubtful of my choices. You don't live you life with seven years of depression, anxiety, and panic disorder without worry. But you do still life your life knowing what you work best with. I applied for Norwich because I knew I needed the extra push. The hardworking classmates. The dedicated professors. I knew what I was getting myself into, and even if I was burnt out from highschool, it meant nothing as I entered this new chapter of my life.
Everything seemed to work out. Once on campus, I ended up going straight to the softball team as the only Nursing major playing. I became a Student Nurses Association representative. This all didn't go unnoticed; I realized that what I was doing was nearly the same path that I forged in high school. A common "too much on your plate" situation. Honestly, I don't know if I should stop myself. It is hard to keep a smile on your face when you struggle with mental disorders but perform well physically. Some others would never know how my brain operates if they just say me walking around campus like any other happy student.
Don't let the fear of your future ruin the present moment. Don't allow your body to move without your mind thinking of the outcome first. Take time to ask yourself what you would really be happy with in the moment, and realistically question how it would make you feel in the long run. It's okay to be hard on yourself. It's okay to doubt if you'll make it through the tough times in life. So many of us, especially college students, feel the exact same way.
Take care of yourself.
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